When Birth Plans Fail

For the past 40 years expectant parents have been told to make a Birth Plan. This is sort of like a wish list of what you want and don’t want happen on the ‘Big Day’. Of course there are factors that influence the ability to do that whether about your health, doctor or hospital policies or your choices.

You are then expected to discuss your Birth Plan with your obstetrician or midwife and even the staff in hospital on the ‘Big Day’. Sometimes going armed with the Birth Plan is what gives you a sense of control over your birth.

But what happens if the desires and choices of your Birth Plan change? What happens to you mentally and emotionally when what you want doesn’t happen?

Obviously the emotions can range from disappointment to outrage, from being grateful to feeling foolish or from nonchalance to acceptance. And these aren’t the only emotions. Sometimes your true emotions don’t show up until months after the birth because you’ve had time to think about the events that brought about a change.

In the title the word ‘fail’ has been used. This doesn’t always mean that a woman feels angry about the changes. Sometimes the family fully understands the need for the Birth Plan to change, but almost always there is some sense of ‘what if’ and regret. This makes sense because you and your partner have spent a great deal of time thinking about what you want. You might also have spent a great deal of time discussing and negotiating with your obstetrician or midwife.

Obviously you have invested in orchestrating the birth of your baby in the same way that you arranged your wedding or a very special surprise or birthday celebration. Birth Plans mean something.

However, Birth Plans also have a quality of wishful thinking based on a perfect birth. They can also be based on beliefs rather than the reality of the day. Often women will say: ‘This is what I’d like but if … then…’

That makes the effort put into the Birth Plan very wobbly indeed. What exactly is being accomplished? There’s another way to approach birth that is much more likely to produce success. That’s learning good birth and coaching skills that you and your partner use throughout the birth experience … whether you labour or during the surgery of a cesarean delivery.

A ‘Plan’ is not an ‘Action’. Actions are what gets you through labour feeling in control. Plans change. Actions based on a good foundation of skills adapt. Being adaptable through actions you take (using your skills) means that you can work your way through this process feeling great about your management abilities even if the events are less then perfect.

It’s like continuing to work with the wedding as it unfolds rather than focusing on the bad weather of the day. Rain doesn’t stop laugher unless you permit it to. Birth Plans that change don’t prevent you from using your Directed Breathing, relaxing inside your Pelvic Clock or using Deep Touch Relaxation with your partner.

You can feel confident about your up coming birth rather than have fear of childbirth pain  or feeling that the only control you have is making a Birth Plan